What is IFS Coaching…and why should you care?
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is an evidence-based therapy model that teaches us that all human beings have parts (also known as sub-personalities). In IFS Coaching, we use this modality to help you get to know yourself on the deepest level - building self-knowledge, self-compassion, and self-trust all at the same time. By understanding and working with your parts, you can gain insight into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as well as increase alignment with your true self.
Parts are showing up in your life all the time, whether you realize it or not. On a daily basis, your parts may have different opinions about what’s best for you. For example, think about getting home after a long day, and trying to figure out what to do next. Different parts might sound something like this:
I really need to go to the gym!
I’m so tired, I want to just lie here on the couch and order delivery.
Ugh no, I need to save money! I should cook a healthy dinner with the food I have.
Hmm… I left a lot unfinished at work, maybe I need to log back on now.
I hate this job! It never ends! I’m going to post my resume online.
This is a relatively lower-stakes example - but your parts show up everywhere: whether to end a relationship, go back to school, move to a new location, have a child, etc. Additionally, parts often have more extreme or more deeply entrenched opinions the more high-stakes the situation becomes.
IFS coaching work might look like:
getting to know your parts and your system
offering parts compassion and witness for the burdens they have taken on
developing trust between your parts and your Self (core, internal wise leader)
helping parts to let go of outdated coping strategies that no longer make sense for you in the present
IFS coaching is a process of exploring and understanding your various parts, and working to develop a relationship with them. Through the coaching process, you will learn to identify and differentiate between your parts, as well as how to communicate with them. Over time, you will likely start to really appreciate your parts and see them as valuable pieces of you that have critical information for your learning and growth. As the founder of IFS always says, there are no bad parts, only parts stuck in extreme roles. All behaviors make complete sense when you consider the context they were originally developed in.
One of the core tenets of IFS is that all parts have good intentions for you, but, depending on your history, sometimes parts can get stuck in really extreme roles and advocate for behaviors and strategies that no longer serve where you’re at in your life now. For example, one of my dominant parts used to carry a lot of anxiety. That anxious part of me was really doing it’s best to keep me safe. It’s job was to try to control as much as possible and pre-plan out all scenarios. It made me a really great project manager, and was highly adaptive for success in the corporate world.
Sadly, it also spent so much time pre-planning the future, I missed a lot of the present. It would keep me awake while trying to fall asleep at night with all of the thinking about how I was going to handle the day or week ahead - rather than just trusting if I got some sleep, I’d be able to handle it all just fine! Additionally, my high functioning anxiety was a big driver for the burnout & chronic health issues I eventually experienced - because no human can go at 150% for years without fallout.
When you are stuck, it literally means you do not know how to move again. However, your subconscious mind knows. It holds the key to what you need in order to continue moving toward your goals. IFS coaching work allows you to get in contact with your subconscious mind through your parts, uncovering all the valuable information that’s hidden from you right now.
Another important part of IFS coaching is the discovery of your internal wise leader, called the Self (the ‘S’ is intentionally capitalized to distinguish from the common use of the word self). You can think of your Self like a CEO of a company. Your parts are the other C suite officers. They have incredibly valuable information - but it’s all siloed. It’s the CEO’s job to gather all of the information and make the best decision for how to run the company. Having your COO or CFO in charge is going to mean that one area is getting a lot of attention and other areas are likely being neglected. A leader’s job is to see the bigger picture, and do their best to filter information in and out depending on what you’re trying to do.
When you begin to develop a relationship between your Self and parts, it fosters a deep sense of trust in your ability to make the best choices you can at the time, and to handle whatever results may come your way in the future. With that trust, we are able to remove old blocks that are no longer serving you - parts (and people) are not generally willing to let go of things they’ve been doing for a long time without trusting that someone has their back. IFS work greatly increases the amount of compassion and trust available in your system. The applications of this are endless, and are backed by numerous research studies.
So why should you care about IFS? In my opinion, because it’s a stunningly effective, gentle, trauma-informed and compassionate way to help you get all the things you want out of your life. There are so many voices out there telling you to increase your sense of self-compassion, self-trust, self-love, and self-knowledge - but it can often feel like frustrating advice if you have no idea where to start. IFS coaching is an incredibly clear and well-documented way to shift mindset blocks, get to know yourself on the deepest level, and feel a sense of harmony, safety, and purpose within.
If you’re curious to learn more about IFS Coaching, reach out here or take a look at this page for more information on how it works.