All About Emotional Intelligence (Part 2)
After reading our last post, hopefully you’re more convinced of the importance of emotional intelligence (also referred to as EI or EQ). In addition to the illustrative scenario we presented, there is a plethora of research-based evidence that proves out the importance of EQ across the board. The great news is, EQ is not a fixed quality, but something that can be cultivated. Each of the qualities we talked about in our last post can be developed. Here’s some tips on how to do it:
Self-Awareness: As a reminder, this is your ability to name what you’re feeling and stay aware of your emotions in real time. In order to gain self-awareness, build a habit of noticing how you feel. This could be as simple as setting a daily alarm to check in with the state of your body and mind. Practice naming the emotions you’re feeling. You can also ask for peer feedback. For example, talk with a trusted person and let them know you’re working to grow your self-awareness. Ask them to tell you when they sense you’re feeling sad or angry and do your best to be open to their perceptions - it can be really hard in the moment!
Self-Regulation: How we use our self-awareness to manage our behaviors means modifying how you act in spite of or even because of how you’re feeling. If you are able to notice and name your feelings, you can intentionally be more careful not to have difficult conversations when sad, angry, or otherwise not in the right mindset to do so. To practice self-regulation, build a habit of adding a “pause”. This could be as basic as taking a few deep breaths before verbally responding to another person. An additional strategy is to request more time before making decisions. Instead of giving an immediate answer, say, “I want to give that some consideration. I’ll get back to you in 24 hours.”
Social Awareness: The ability to accurately sense and name emotions in other people allows us to take EQ beyond ourselves. It’s very important to understand yourself and when to modulate your actions, but the next level is extending that awareness. The more self-awareness you have of your own emotions, the easier it will get to notice them in others. Additionally, you will know when you have the space and energy be present for others and when it’s harder to do so. You will begin to pay attention to other people’s nonverbal cues. You will be more confident in your ability to ask someone else what’s going on with them when you aren’t certain.
Relationship Management: Combining management of our own behavior with our knowledge of what’s going on with others is a game changer. When we talk about leadership presence, or leadership “being”, a large part of that is related to your ability to combine all aspects of EQ to change the course of a situation for the better. When you are aware, you are able to be intentional. Practicing intentionality is a natural confidence game-changer, and true confidence in yourself (as opposed to arrogance) causes a fundamental shift in the way you are perceived by others.
We hope this series has helped you increase your understanding of what EQ is, why it matters, and how to cultivate it!