All About Emotional Intelligence (Part 1)
Did you know that research has shown that EQ matters twice as much as IQ and technical knowledge for high performance?
It’s likely you’ve heard the term emotional intelligence, or EQ (emotional quotient) before. You may have even heard that emotional intelligence is one of the biggest predictors of leadership success, and low emotional intelligence has clearly documented adverse effects. In fact, many people are surprised by the volume of cross-industry studies that consistently prove EQ’s importance across the board.
Today, we aim to go a little deeper into the specific components of emotional intelligence with an illustrative story about why they translate so directly to the success or failure of leaders in the workplace. For the purposes of this story, Keeya has very high emotional intelligence and Riley has lower emotional intelligence*:
Self-Awareness: The ability to name what we’re feeling and stay aware of our emotions in real time.
Riley’s heart is racing, she is clenching her jaw, and her body is shaking. She is not able to link these sensations to the word anger.
Keeya experiences the same sensations and is able to name that she is feeling angry.
Self-Regulation: How we use our self-awareness to manage our behaviors.
Riley feels like she needs to explode, so she yells at one of her coworkers, Angel, for a minor mistake. Angel walks away determined to avoid Riley in the future. They are unclear on what led to their mistake or how to not make it again, because Riley was unable to communicate what needed to change.
Since Keeya knows she’s feeling angry, she intentionally takes a few deep breaths and pauses before talking with Angel. She is able to be clear about what happened and what needs to change without shaming. Angel walks away feeling that Keeya is someone they can go to for help, and is clear on what they need to change to avoid mistakes in the future.
Social Awareness: The ability to accurately sense and name emotions in other people.
Riley and Keeya’s coworker Shira is quieter than normal and looks tired. Her eyes have dark circles under them and she yawns and sighs throughout their morning meeting. Riley doesn’t think much of this, other than wondering why Shira doesn’t respect the team enough to show up rested.
Keeya notices that Shira is acting sad, and guesses that something happened.
Relationship Management: Our ability to combine management of our own behavior with our knowledge of what’s going on with others to positively direct interactions.
Because Riley is unaware of her anger and doesn’t notice what’s going on with Shira, she loudly and forcefully tells her what she needs her to do this week. Shira is distracted and misses a key part of the information. This leads to a costly error down the line.
Keeya has used her grounding techniques to calm herself down, and is less angry. She is able to notice that Shira is feeling low. She asks Shira if she has the bandwidth this week to complete some required tasks, and ensures that she clearly communicates what she needs. She follows this up with an email detailing what they discussed, and asks Shira if she wants to grab a coffee and catch up. At the coffee shop, Shira opens up to Keeya and tells her that she has recently experienced a loss. As a result of these interactions, Keeya is able to accurately predict what Shira can do for her right now, and she has strengthened their working relationship so they will be able to communicate better in the future. Shira feels understood and cared for by Keeya, and completes the tasks she was asked to do quickly and effectively.
Don’t miss Part 2 in this series where we discuss how you can grow your EQ!
*All people mentioned in this story are fictionalized.