IFS Coaching 101: Manager Parts
If you’re new to IFS, I recommend going back to this post before diving in here!
Quick recap: IFS (Internal Family Systems) teaches us that all of us have parts, or sub-personalities. Each part has it’s own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The model loosely organizes parts into three different categories: managers, firefighters, and exiles. Managers and firefighters also fall into a broader umbrella of “protectors”. Today, I want to get to know some common manager parts that I see in IFS coaching work with clients. These parts may also be recognizable in your own system.
What is the role or purpose of a manager part within a human system?
Although managers and firefighters are both protective parts, managers tend to protect by being proactive whereas firefighters protect by being reactive. For example, a managing part might try to anxiously “pre-plan” out scenarios -such as exactly what you’re going to say during a big, important meeting. A firefighting part might come up if you feel the meeting doesn’t go well and distract you from that feeling somehow (like with binge-watching tv, having a glass of wine, or going for a run). Both have the job of protecting you from “bad” & overwhelming feelings that are held by exiles.
Typically, managing parts set rules, goals, expectations, and other standards for us. They usually run the show when it comes to activities like planning, solving problems, and making decisions. In a system which is functioning well, there’s no issue with this - we need those parts! When managers become too rigid (or stuck), they can go into overdrive and cause us to feel anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed.
In systems that have experienced trauma (which is most of us to some degree), some manager parts may be keeping exiled parts from coming into the foreground. Exiled parts are exiled because their beliefs are overwhelming and scary to the system. For example, an overactive planning manager might be trying to keep an exiled part from bringing up a core belief of “I’m not good enough”. Managers are using the strategies they know to try to keep exiled parts and their beliefs from flooding your system. Frequently, these are strategies that were developed at a young age that no longer make sense for the current age you’re at/situation you’re in.
What are some common manager parts we might encounter in IFS Coaching?
Some of the parts I see most frequently in my coaching work are as follows:
Perfectionists: A perfectionist manager is concerned with avoiding mistakes/errors, and generally being flawless. Most high achievers have both achieving and perfectionist parts. At their best, these parts can drive us to be the best we can be and help us to get to do things we dream of. At their worst, these parts set completely unrealistically high standards (that are impossible to reach) and allow us no space to be human (mistakes are part of being human). They can quickly cause stress and anxiety within the system when they’re too stuck in rigidity, and can be big contributors to burnout. Perfectionist parts might be working to cover up an exile holding a belief of “I am defective”.
Caretakers: A caretaking manager (also related to people-pleasing managers) is focused on the needs of the other people around you. This manager at their best can be an incredible parent, spouse, and/or friend. They are extremely compassionate and empathetic. At their most rigid, they devolve into doing things for others with the unspoken expectation they will get them back, leading to resentment, burnout, and anger. A person with a powerful caretaking part will also likely have trouble with understanding and acknowledging their own needs. Caretaking parts might be working to cover up an exile holding a belief of “I am unworthy of love/having my needs met.”
Scientists: A scientist (or knowledge-seeking) manager part wants to know everything about the world. They seek safety through understanding what’s going on around them. At their best, they can drive us to make incredible discoveries. At their most rigid, they can make it very difficult to connect with other people (these parts tend to get stuck being very logical and rational and can have trouble with emotions). They are typically working to cover up an exile that believes they are useless, incapable, or unsafe in the environment around them.
Achievers: Achieving managers are closely related to perfectionist managers, but in comparison are typically more concerned with volume/external validation over quality. Like perfectionist parts, they can take us to places we dream of (getting doctorates, climbing mountains, etc). At their best, they help us to be ambitious and highly competent. At their worst, they are workaholics in the extreme (another big factor leading to burnout), and overly reliant on external accolades. Achiever parts are often paired with exiles that hold a belief of being worthless.
How do we work with manager parts in IFS Coaching?
In IFS coaching work in general, we approach parts with curiosity and compassion. Parts, like people, tend to shut down and ignore you if you try to tell them what to do or assume you know best about their work/environment. The process of working with a manager part might look like this:
Identify a manager part: This may be obvious (you may already know you have an achiever manager or a caretaker manager). If it is not, we can start with a trailhead (something that happened in your life that is flagging you or bothering you).
Focus more on that part: We ask questions about the part. Where do you feel it in a body? Do you hear it? Do you see it? What does it sound or look like? When does it come up most frequently?
Talk directly with the part: If it is willing, we engage with the part directly to learn more about its role and motivations in your system. We ask it questions like “What is your job?” “What do you think would happen if you didn’t do this job?” “How did you get this job?”
Build trust over time: Depending on the part, it may take a while before it’s willing to divulge important and sensitive information (such as whether it’s protecting another part). It also may take a while before it’s willing to try something new. The key is to stay patient and trust the wisdom of your system - never trying to force parts to tell you things or to change before they’re ready.
This is heavily genericized - depending on the age of the part (when it became burdened) and the situation you’re currently in, the time it takes to develop a healthy and trusted relationship will vary and the process may change.
Did this make you curious about your manager parts? Reach out here if you’d like to learn more about your system!